Just A Tad Creepy.

I've talked about the things that creep me out before... John Malkovich.  eeeeeeeekkkkk.

In October I went to Time Out For Women with some amazing gals in my ward.  On Saturday the LDS boy group Jericho Road performed.  So they can sing.  But the women in the audience were standing and screaming and crying and yelling things out to them.  Personal things like "I love you whoever!"  I don't know their names.  And I was just grossed out by the sight and sound.  And then while singing they would dance.  And then some of them shared personal things like "My wife of 15 years and I have 6 children and we just adopted a new baby" and then the cheers and screaming would ensue.  Weird!  Creepy.  Almost on the verge of bumping old John Malkovich down a notch.

So this morning I have the TV on in the background and on a show they are saying they have New Kids On The Block coming up.  Um. Aren't they old?  Yep.  They are old and wrinkled and singing together?  It's just creepy.  Old women in the audience and screaming and fainting and crying.  It's not even old Beatles, people!  New Kids On The Block.  From the 1980's.  And they are touring.  And they are like in their 50's.  Okay just kidding.  I gues they are more my age.  Which isn't OLD AT ALL.  But really, you have a wife and kids.  And screaming 40 and 50 year old menopausal ladies in the audience who want to see you with your shirt off. Creepy.  I think that trumps old John Malkovich.  Most definitely.

Tomato Juice And Pretzels.

I canned tomato juice last week. The jars have been sitting on my counter for that long. So yesterday I decided it was time to get them to food storage. When I got there I began to put them onto a shelf. Then it happened. They fell and one of the quart jars broke. Shattered actually. Tomato juice everywhere. I eventually got it cleaned up. But man it smelled tomato-y. Then last night I was walking along in the family room on this very rug and something crunched underneath. What could it possibly be? Um. That's a pretzel. Stashed under the rug. And I stepped on it and crushed it. Thank you. Bye.

See No Weevil.

I don't have pictures. You may be pleased that I don't. Tonight's dinner was homemade mac and cheese. yummmm. I made. I served. I began to eat. So did the kiddos. Then I saw it. A whole and plump weevil. In my mac and cheese. So I ordered everyone to stop! Stop eating! Take your plates to the sink. I then went to the flour. No weevils. I went to the macaroni. Weevil flakes. You know. When weevils die they turn a bit flaky. Weird. So I ran down to the food storage and opened the big bucket of macaroni. Weevil flakes. Darn. All the macaroni is gone. I just made a box of regular mac and cheese. Not as impressive. But no weevils!

While we're talking about gross food... Last Saturday up at the Ranch I had all the lunch fixins out on the table. Peanut butter, honey, jam, ham, cheese, mustard, mayo and ketchup. Ketchup? It was requested. These are 2 of the sandwiches made....

Bread/honey/peanut butter/ ham/ketchup/bread

Bread/peanut butter/honey/cookie/Cheetos/bread

My children are strange.

But we saw no weevils at the Ranch!

Playdough Bread?

What does it mean if, when you are baking bread, it does not rise? And then when you bake it, it looks like this?....

Gross!

At first I thought it was our oven. That it was time to get a new one!!

No such luck.

As I made a new batch of bread dough I realized what my mistake was.

I doubled the salt.

Have you ever had Playdough Bread?

Piggy Flu

I ate a hot dog a few weeks ago. Only because I had hot dogs. And buns. Hot dog buns. It's so annoying when you have hot dogs and are craving one but you don't have hot dog buns. A piece of bread just isn't the same. I only put mustard on my hot dogs. And I only eat one. By the end of one, I'm pretty much done with hot dogs for a while. Are you hungry now or just grossed out?

Sorry if I grossed you out!

Last night in our adoption class we were having deep and emotional discussions about infertility. I don't want to go into details about the couples in our class. They are very personal and very emotional. I kept looking at Daniel wondering if he was going to talk for us about our experience. He didn't. So I did. I told them all first that I know we have 3 kids. We have an adoption set up for China. Now it could seem like we are just here to get us another baby. That's not the case. A couple of months after getting married, I was pregnant with Isaac. 8 months after deciding to have another baby I was pregnant with Samuel. But my pregnancies were life threatening. We had to be done. Or Daniel's second wife would have to raise my kids. Not an option.

So I tried to say that even though I don't feel the same heartache that they do, I do have heartache. I wait for my daughter to be born in China and for a government to say it's okay for us to adopt her. Even though my arms are full with 3 children, I have empty arms because I know there are now 2 more babies who need to get to my arms. Even though we don't have the same experiences, my heart still aches.

Then I realized that my throat ached. And my jaw. We got home after stopping for some Arbey's and then I took our sitter home. I sat down to eat and my whole face hurt. Ached. Then I remembered the hot dog a few weeks ago. Oh No!! Maybe I have Piggy Flu!

So I went through everything coming up this week. Our Primary Talent Show tonight, my anniversary Thursday, Doctor appointments for Daniel and myself on Friday so we can complete our adoption paperwork and our anniversary date for Friday night. And let's not forget the bridal shower for my almost sister in law on Saturday night. Oh yeah, and I am doing sharing time on Sunday on reverence and starting a whole thing to motivate reverence on a large and long term scale. So I can't get sick.

This morning I woke up without a sore throat and my mouth is fine. I'm eating. It's so fine! So no Piggy Flu here. Not that I was worried. And I can wait a few more weeks for another hot dog. But a pork salad from Cafe Rio....mmmmm.

(Notice to all reading: I understand that the Swine Flu is a serious illness. I know people in Mexico have died. I know one cannot get Swine Flu by eating pork (Including Hot Dogs) and I know that simply washing hands and coughing into one's elbow makes the world go round. Please don't comment that I just don't get it! I do.)

Oh CRAP!!

Yes, that's right, CRAP! I went to pick up my boys from school today. As I waited for them to come after the bell rang, I was talking to my neighbor and best friend, Amie! Sam gets into the front seat first...no problem. Then Isaac gets there and starts to climb in over Sam and the next thing we know...

CRAP!!! CRAP!!! CRAP!!! CRAP!!!

I am not a dog hater, per say! But why do people walk their dogs around the school and not clean up after the animal??!!! Come on! So we had dog crap (I know it's vulgar to say, but the alternative could be offensive! Honestly!) all over the front seat, Sam's pants and both boys' shoes! GROSS!!

So luckily I have my handy dandy purse (no longer the 6 pound purse, I might add, because I found a really cute one on sale at Target and HAD to buy it, so it's smaller and I can't fit quite as much into it as my other larger purse. But I digress...) and the wipes inside of it! So baby wipes are my salvation as Isaac is walking around on the grass wiping it off his shoes and gagging and Ruthie is scrambling to get out because she is gagging and coughing, and Sam is dragging his leg on the grass to wipe the crap off his pants. Oh I am so sure people caught on quickly to the problem. I am quite sure that a few people laughed at my expense. (Did anyone offer assistance or more wipes or a bag to put those wipes in?? NO!) But what do we live for but to make sport for our neighbors and laugh at them in our turn. (that's a quote from Pride & Prejudice by the way! Dog crap doesn't mean I completely lose all decorum.) So I had my day making sport for my neighbors...

So the clothes are in the dryer, everyone has washed their hands several times and Daniel gets to take care of the smell in the front seat and the shoes out on the front lawn.

I suppose this is my April Fool's day "thing". I will be watching for opportunities to laugh at my neighbors in the near future!!