How do you get pink lemonade? I mean, I've never seen a pink lemon. I don't think there is anything wrong with pink lemonade. I do like to drink it. But I can't imagine a pink lemon would be as sour as a yellow lemon.
We have had a rough go lately at our house. Not at odds with each other, mind you. Just trying to figure out what we are supposed to do. Where we are supposed to go. We have been in limbo for a couple of months and it was eating us alive. But we finally made a decision that was RIGHT. Isn't it funny when you feel that there needs to be a change so you pray and sit in the temple and fast and talk and you look at all the options and then when it really comes down to it you don't need to actually make a change because there doesn't need to be a change only the experience to get you to appreciate the fact that there won't be change? Don't you love run on sentences?
Let me go back to the beginning. When we were engaged, we looked at how our lives would come together and where we needed to live to do what needed to be done. Without even much discussion, we knew we needed to look for a house close to where Daniel worked at the time. When I saw this house, I knew this was where we needed to be. Daniel kept telling me that the kitchen was small. I know, I don't care, this is our house. We made an offer and it became ours! We knew this was where we would be for the rest of our lives. This was where our grand kids would come and visit us. We love this house. We love the neighborhood. We love our ward. We love the schools. Etc.
Right after getting home with Ruthie, Daniel was offered a job that would have him commuting to Salt Lake. We knew it was the right time and the right job. A wonderful opportunity. So he took it. Then, a couple years later, the company made a decision that would affect us for, well, forever. They wanted to move all the IT people from SL and Provo to one location. The south end of the SL valley. Many people actually live up where we do. And further north. Many people moved. Many found new jobs. We knew he needed to stay at the job and that we needed to stay here.
Then we re-thought that plan. Last year. Maybe we should move closer to work. I would be closer to my family. We could have a bigger kitchen. But even before we got serious about looking for a house, we knew we didn't need to move. The reasons for not moving last year became obvious to us over the course of the year. Those reasons still exist, but this year brought new challenges. Pink lemons, if you will.
Back to the pink lemonade for a minute. You know the saying, “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade”? Meaning, make the best of your situation. But what if the situation demands a change be made? What if the situation isn't horrible, sour, so to speak, and the changes that need to be made aren't horrible? Just change. Just action needed to be taken. Not negative, not horrible, not sour, but life changing nonetheless. Pink lemons. Did you like that I wrote nonetheless? I thought that was totally cool!
Our pink lemons showed up as a move. Relocation. New schools. New ward. New neighborhood. New friends. Not horrible. Just change. Different. With opportunities. Potential for growth and learning. Pink lemons.
So Daniel and I began the process of deciding what was best for our family. Daniel doesn't get home until 8 pm most nights. He is working most Saturdays and sometimes on Sunday. Some nights he'll get a phone call at 11 pm from someone needing his help with something. Then he doesn't get to bed until after midnight and then still has to get up and go again in the morning. Our kids see their dad long enough to brush their teeth and say goodnight. It sucks, to tell ya the truth.
So we looked at moving on a more serious level. Actually making plans for our house so we can sell or rent it. Making lists of what we wanted in a house and what we would be willing to leave out if necessary. Knowing that our present situation could leave this house sitting empty for as long as necessary, but needing to be in a house and ready for school to start at the end of July. We have been stressed out. Our burden has been heavy. We knew that we needed to make these serious changes. I even made it all known to my Priesthood advisor in my calling so that a change could be made in Primary. This was all very painful.
Then something happened. A potential job offer. From Daniel's previous boss at his old job. He could be just 5 minutes away! An answer to prayers??? Well. It just threw in another angle that made things more muddy. What if the job wasn't actually offered? What if she couldn't offer the money he required? What if? What if? What if? Pink lemons all over the place. Then the phone call came. But things didn't really go smoothly when Daniel said he couldn't leave his current job until later in the summer. Umm. She needs to fill the position sooner. So that just added to the confusion and made the burden that much heavier. So we focused on moving.
I began looking for a house. Over the weekend we went and looked at a couple of them. Do you know what it's like to drive through a neighborhood and feel squished and suffocated? That's what it felt like. Those were definitely not where we were going. But we pressed on.
For the last couple of months we have been focused on the pink lemons and making pink lemonade. Taking a situation and making necessary changes so we could be happy and have our family be together and happier. We need our dad home with us. We need a not so stressed out dad. We need to make a serious change.
On Monday and Tuesday I sat with a goal in mind to find as many homes as a I could in the areas we were interested in with all the things I wanted in a house in the budget we named. I started to write down addresses. I just didn't LOVE the houses. If the kitchen was big, the dining room had carpet. If the wall colors were perfect, the kitchen was dull. If the kitchen was just not me, the rest of the house was beautiful. And on and on and on. I was feeling defeated. But we still have a few months. And each time I would turn around and see my house, I would just feel so happy about MY home. My family room is coming together just how I want it and I love it. But I need to leave it for someone else to enjoy. And possibly paint over.
Tuesday night Daniel and I were sitting in bed and wondering what to do. It seems we just figure we're moving but we aren't thrilled. So I kept asking him what we are going to do. Finally he said, “Let's just stay.” At first I thought it was just the tired in him. But he kept saying it. Do you know the feeling of a burden being lifted? That's what we had. A smile came to my face that is still there. I feel lighter. I am happy. We are staying here.
So why all the drama? My feeling is that in order to truly appreciate our home and who we are here, we needed to be brought to a point of losing it. Of having to start all over. Of talking my kids into all the “wonderful” things that would happen when we move. We are happy here. When I told the kids this morning, they all smiled and got a bit giddy. We love it here.
So now we focus on new carpet for us to enjoy. Finishing the basement so the boys will have their own rooms. Here. In this house. I will finish the family room and then move on to Ruthie's room. I will continue to love my friends and to build new friendships. Here. In my own home. And maybe you'll find me drinking pink lemonade more often. In my small, wonderful kitchen.
