Wednesday, April 3, 2013

I Don't Smoke!

So this car has been sitting here in the garage for over a week.  If Daniel were to drive it we think it would explode.  The engine is gone.  Luckily he takes the train to work, so I have been dropping him off and picking him up from the train every day.  No biggie, it's just up the hill and I take him right after Isaac leaves for the bus.  But eventually we will need to get back to being a 2 car couple.  Daniel has been scouring for a little non gas guzzling car. 
He found another little Neon that was cheap and needed to be sold quickly to the gal could make her house payment.  But she wouldn't return any calls after the initial conversation.  I guess she found another way to make the house payment.  But why not answer when it's someone who wants to buy it?! 
Then Daniel found a really snazzy and cute Mercury Cougar hatchback.  He called the guy and left a message.  The guy, let's call him Nick, called back.  Daniel told him he's interested in the car.  The guy, Nick, says to my never taken a drink in his life hubby, "Are you drunk??"  to which Daniel replies to the now obviously drunk Nick, "No", are you??  I mean seriously.  He's drunk on the phone.  But he wants Daniel to come see the car.  It's late and I'm concerned.  So I went with him.  It was dark and rainy.  We found the place and Daniel went to the door.  The car was right outside.  CUTE!  Nick came out and let Daniel look around the car.  Then he asks him again if he's drunk.  No.  Nick says, "I am drunk and I have to use the breathalyzer in the car before I can drive.  If you were drunk, it wouldn't let you drive".  Oh Winner! 
So he has my dear hubby blow into the breathalyzer.  You blow then you hum/blow. So Daniel does it.  Then Nick is excited because it means they can go for a test drive.  Whew!  That was close.
So I get into the cute little snazzy sport car just as Nick's landlord comes for the rent.  Nick is short $75.  Bummer.  The landlord is not walking away.  He wants his money and doesn't want to chase Nick down.  Nick says he'll call him later in the week when he has the moolah. 
Okey Dokey.
So we get in and go.  Then the beeping begins and the car comes to a halt.  Daniel has to blow in the thing so the car will go.  Nick says he can't blow in it because he's drunk.  Thanks, we know.  So my clean as a slate hubby blows and we go.  This is a fun ride.  Except for the drunkard in the back seat.  His language is so unsuitable for the presence of a lady, too.  He asks if we're LDS.  Yes.  He apologizes for the behavior.  Then he asks if we are familiar with certain LDS figures from Joseph Smith's time.  And wouldn't you know it?  We are.  I ask if he's LDS and he says yes but is an alcoholic and has missionaries who come by all the time to talk to him and help him. 
Then our good friend Nick asks us if we're familiar with the Steed family from way back.  Daniel asks if they are from right here.  NO.  Joseph's time.  He continues with how good the family was and the influence they had.  Okay.  Apparently our friend Nick has read The Work And The Glory.  And he is diluted into thinking this fictional Steed family is indeed a real family.  So Daniel and I are ready for the ride to end. 
We get back to the apartment and Nick invites us in so we can discuss when Daniel will contact him after we think about the car.  We love it. But Nick is getting increasingly sloshed as time goes on.  He was on his drunken game when we first got there.  But the alcohol has since killed off another bazillion brain cells.  And I really do think that was a great part of what he's got left.  We are in his apartment for another 15 minutes talking about when Daniel will contact him.  Nick really needs to go to bed.  So I ask him if I can write it down for him.  He pulls out his "brain" and boy, am I relieved that it was a notepad.  More brain cells there than what the alcohol has killed. 
I write very specifically what time Daniel will call and tell him he needs to go to bed.  We also remind him, when he asks what he told his landlord, that he needs to call the guy when he has the, how much do I need to give him?, $75.  Thank goodness we were there!
Nick just loves us.  He thinks we are the nicest and most kindest people in the world.  We aren't judging him, but we are helping him.  He tells Daniel that he will keep his number in his phone for anytime he feels he needs to talk.  Umm.  He also tells Daniel that he can now teach a class about the breathalyzer!  Awesome!
So we finally leave.  The problem is.. I love love love this little car.  And I fully understand the car isn't for me.  Really.  I do.  But I would be willing to drive that little thing around anytime.  But the back has only 2 bucket seats and we have 3 kids.  And you know all the kids will want to ride in the snazzy little sports car with us.  Then we realize what has been wrong with the whole situation.  Other than the drunken car owner with the breathalyzer.  Cigarette smoke.  The car and his apartment was permeated with it and my lungs are burning.  It didn't take long before we knew we would not buy this little car.  I was bummed enough to want to look past the smell.  But as my lungs burned through the night, I knew we wouldn't buy it. 
So let's get to the next day.  Daniel called our friendly drunkard and told him that the cigarette smell was the clincher.  We would not be buying.  To which our good friend replies, "I DON'T SMOKE!".  I beg to differ dude.  He was upset.  I am pretty sure he removed Daniel's number from his phone.  He probably drank a little to get over us.  I hope not, but, you know. 
So we are still looking.  Daniel found another little Cougar hatchback.  I really want it, but we need to seat 3 kids in the back.  So, there  you are.  I'll get back to you when we make a purchase!

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