Wednesday, July 30, 2008
That friend, let's call him Dave, came and asked me if I knew Jim. I said I know who he is. He wanted to know if I would like to go out with him? I asked him to tell me a little about him. He was 36 or 37, was divorced, had a 14 year old son, owns a home, wants to open a business, He's LDS, and he's a really nice guy. Now Dave knew what I had just been through. He was a kind of friend to me at work. In a wierd sort of way. (Remember Dave, Katie? Hee hee.) He did like to watch over me, though. So I give him credit.
I agreed. I needed a nice guy to go out with. Jim came over and introduced himself and asked if I would like to go out that weekend. I said yes. He said to dress nice. He would be there at 6 to pick me up. I hated this part...dress nice? Did he think I would dress like a slob? Come on!
I told my parents I was going out with this guy from work. They were ok with it. They were still put off by the last guy. Remember him? Ken? Yeah. So my dad said he would come meet him when he came to pick me up. Jim got there and was in a trench coat, so I couldn't see what he was wearing. He handed me some beautiful pink roses. I gave them to my dad to put in the kitchen. How sweet. Maybe this would be ok. He took me to Chili's for dinner. He mentioned his disappointment that I didn't wear a dress. Been there, done that. When he took off his coat, he revealed a suit! Yes. A three piece suit. I was wearing black slacks and a nice shirt. He mentioned something about dressing up when he goes on a date. It shows his character as a gentleman. Uhuh. Ok. That's just weird.
We talked a lot through dinner. He was nice. He talked about church and how dedicated he was. He was a convert and loved the peace of being a member of the church. He talked about his plans to own his own business one day. He talked about his divorce. His wife got really bizarre after she had their son. She kinda went off the deep end. So he took the boy and went through the military divorce system and got full custody. He was raising their son on his own. Then he met another woman who he fell in love with and they got married. (WAIT A MINUTE! He had been married twice?? This was a surprise.) She decided that being a mother to a son that wasn't hers was too much. She hurt the boy and he didn't like that. So they divorced. It was nice that he was so dedicated to his son.
We went to see You've Got Mail at a theater. We enjoyed the movie. He took me home and asked if I would like to go out again. Sure. So we agreed to take our breaks at the same time at work on Monday. This was nice. I was so glad to be dating someone nice. Good looking. A family guy.
Maybe he would be the one. My knight coming to rescue me from certain sister wives...
Monday, July 28, 2008
On Sunday I grabbed Jodie at church and asked her what the brother said. He told her that their mother married a polygamist and lives in a colony in Utah county. He didn't agree with the lifestyle and wasn't going to have multiple wives. So Jody was placated. She thought it was ok to keep dating him. I strongly disagreed.
I took her with me to talk to the Bishop. I didn't have my parents to counsel with and needed some fatherly guidance. My Bishop took us in his office and I told him everything. Everything! He was quiet and then got up with a smile on his face and said that we both needed to not see them anymore. No problem here! Jodie, now that's another story! She wasn't willing to walk away just yet. Over time, I got her to see the stupidity of the situation. To my delight and relief, she finally agreed.
In the meantime, the Bishop gave us a book to read. It was a book that his friend wrote about how polygamist men work to get older LDS women who want to get married and marry them. In the temple. Then slowly get them to agree to the fact that Joseph Smith really wanted us all to live with multiple wives, even now. And then they start looking for sister wife to add to the mix. And then another, etc. In order to get in good with the woman's family (parents, especially) they give gifts...apples, scarf, mittens, there was a jewelry box in there somewhere, too, and flowers. (I'm glad my parents weren't impressed!) They know all the words to say to LDS women. They show interest in marrying in the temple. Boy, was this book written about Ken?I remembered when he saw a friend on our first date. Remember? Probably was there to check me out. And then the friend who was supposed to meet us at the ice skating rink? Probably was supposed to let me feel the love of plural marriage. He didn't live with his brother. How can you when you have wives and children? I firmly believe he needed to go see his family on Thanksgiving and decided to make it a shower, too.
My parents came home and I told them everything I was learning about the way these guys worked. My mom and dad were very supportive and helped a great deal. They said that if he tried to contact me, there would be hell to pay. (Love it!) One night, it was late, and my parents were in bed, I was in my room (I lived in their basement) and the phone rang. I went out to look at the called ID because my parents weren't answering. It was Ken. I thought for a split second, then answered.
"How are you?"
"What do you want?"
"I just want to talk to you and explain..."
"No! I don't want any explanations. I know what you are and I don't want anything to do with you."
"You lied to me!"
"No......(long pause).......I didn't."
"Was that your wife and kids at the restaurant?"
"No." He was sounding defeated and quiet.
"I know you're lying. I know what you are and if you call again, I will call the police."
"Don't call me again!"
That felt good! I was energized! I ran up to my parents' room. They were waiting for me. I told them what I said and they were so proud of me. It was finally over for me. Done!
Not too long after that, he called again. This time my brother answered. He told Ken to leave me alone, I had moved on and he would take care of him if he heard or saw him again. I love my brother.
Meanwhile, at work, there was this guy named Jim....
Saturday, July 26, 2008
When I got to his house, we sat in the living room next to each other on one of the couches. He asked me to read Doctrine & Covenants section 132 with him. Alrighty. We read it together. He asked me questions about what I thought of certain verses and what they meant. He was really intent on the new and everlasting covenant of marriage. It also talks of being obedient or be damned. Umm. I get the obedience part. I even get the "Oooh, you're gonna get it when God finds out!" part. It was the part of multiple wives that kept creeping into the conversation that got me. He was really intent on making me understand that God wants us to live that law. You know the one. The multiple wife one.
I kept saying that that law is no longer in effect. That when the law of the land says we are breaking the law when we live like that, God tells us to obey the law of the land. I went to the Official Declaration-1, you know, the Manifesto, where is states that plural marriage was now not being recognized or practiced in the church or by its leaders. He referenced Teachings Of The Prophet Joseph Smith. He gave his copy to me for keeps. Oh, I'm a lucky girl! He said that prophets still lived the law of plural marriage underground even after the Manifesto. I said no. That was then, this is now. What century are you living in? Anyway, it doesn't matter! We listen to a living prophet. We don't live the law of plural marriage. !!!!!!
He was so certain that it was just a ruse. That the "real" followers of Christ and the "really obedient" people were living the law as section 132 states and that we should all be living it so as to not receive the wrath of God. Ummmm....
I moved to the other couch!
"You're a polygamist, aren't you?"
"No, I'm not" he says very quietly.
"Are you married?"
"Who was that woman with the kids at Village Inn?"
"Umm. A friend."
"Are you kidding me?"
"My sister is a sister wife and can explain it better than I can. She'll be here soon with her husband and can explain it so you will understand."
"Please don't. Just let her explain."
I was so angry! How could he?? Oh, the anger just seethed through me. The jerk. He had been stringing me along. Things started to get clearer as I drove home. She was his wife. She was checking me out to see if I could fit in as a sister wife. He was shopping for another wife. ME!
Friday, July 25, 2008
I would like to thank Loreal for the faint coloring on my ankles that helped my ankels not be so white. Thank you very much!
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
We ate dinner and talked and had fun. Then came time for the guys to go out and play basketball and the girls to make a craft. My sisters had questions and comments about Ken, but we talked about other things, too. I didn't ever go outside. Even now that my cute hubby plays, I don't go out and watch. Something about a bunch of grown men sweating and huffing and puffing and knocking each other.... Now they're all older and the huffing and puffing comes into the house. Oh, sorry, the reminiscing got sidetracked with last Sunday!
After a while outside, all the guys came in. I watched for Ken. I kept watching. He didn't come in. So I asked them where Ken was. They said he was just there. My BIL Sean said he played like a maniac. He was quick and they enjoyed playing with him. I figured he may need some private moments in the bathroom, so I waited a few minutes. It soon became obvious that he wasn't coming back. Maybe he was scared to come in where we all were. You know, sweating, huffing and puffing. So I went hunting for him. Not in the back, not in the basement, not upstairs, not on the main floor, none of the bathrooms. I went out to the front yard and realized his car was gone! He Left!
The jerk. Oh, but wait, maybe he was hurt, maybe he got an emergency call and had to hightail it out of there. But wouldn't he come and tell me? I asked all the guys what actually happened out there. Did you smack him? Did you tell him off? Did you hurt him? Did you do anything at all? Notice anything at all? Not a thing. He was fine. He seemed to have fun. He got along with everyone. Hmmm. Another disappearing act. Only now, I'm a little put off. Ok, I'm ticked! The nerve! I tried calling his house. No answer. I finally gave up and started to move on with the day. Maybe my family was just too much and he took the only way out he could think of. Slink away like a coward. Yellow bellied..... Oh! Wait! He's back! He just waltzed in and said hi.
I grabbed him and we had a little talk. I asked what was going on. Where did you go? Why didn't you say anything to me? I was worried. Did my dad or my brothers say something? Do something? What the heck?? He just said, "What are you talking about? " WHAT. AM. I. TALKING. ABOUT???????? Do you usually go off and leave the family and girl behind who invited you to spend Thanksgiving with them? Without a word? "I was here all the time" he says. Huh? What the heck? Your car was gone. It's been over an hour! WHERE. WERE. YOU. Do you need a translator? I would be happy to rip your ears off and reattach them so you can hear better! He was a little put out that I would accuse him. HUH? Was I going nuts? Batty? Did he do something to me that night in the cemetery? He could tell I was getting mad. Maybe I was too subtle at the beginning. Then, he finally admitted it. "I went home to take a shower and change" Why didn't you just say, "Hey, Jennie, I'm-a gonna go home and take me a quick shower (so I can try to kiss you later)." I would have a been fine with that. So we closed the day down. He asked if he could make it up to me. He said a lot of nice things to get back in my good graces. Ok. I give. I'll keep on keepin on.
What exactly is going on here? I kept thinking if this was really a good idea anymore. I think I was definitely being taken advantage of and I wasn't enjoying myself. There were so many unanswered questions and little hints at something I didn't quite understand.
Monday, July 21, 2008
We went to a grocery store near his home and then went back to his house. He shared it with his brother; they apparently built it together. I don't think he knew where the salt was. Or the pan he needed to cook dinner. It didn't phase me much then. (It will all make sense later on. I'll do a recap of all the weird stuff and what it all meant later.) He made a nice dinner that had wine in it. It was alright. I don't think I was too hungry anyway. I'm usually a bit worried when a guy wants to cook, so I ate a bit before getting there. We talked a lot. I don't think we got to the questions, though. But I did learn that he came from a big family and his parents divorced when they were all young. His mom had remarried and was living down south a bit with her new hubby. He didn't expand on it.
After this, things started humming. I wasn't humming. I was just hoping he would get to the point. But it was kinda fun, I suppose. Over the next couple of weeks we did a few things together. In no particular order, this is what we did. He came and got me one morning and took me to get a bagel breakfast. Nothing more interesting on that topic. He took me to the local cemetery late one night. He wanted to run through the cemetery. That was bizarre! It was cold and snowy and I believe one could even call it psychotic! Well, there you have it. Oh wait! That's not all. We went ice skating. When he picked me up he had a gift for me. I opened it up. A pair of mittens and a scarf. Was this just so I wouldn't get cold while ice skating? He wanted me to meet a friend of his there. So we got our skates on, started to skate, and he kept watching for the friend. It made for a boring night. He finally wanted to sit down and see if he would come while we were sitting. Is this all just a little strange? I can't believe I actually stuck around for this. The friend never showed. So we left.
He got me up really early on another morning to take me to breakfast. We went to Village Inn. While we were there, a young woman with a couple of kids came up and said hi to him. She came up to us right after he had left me for a few minutes. He didn't go toward the bathroom. This is getting to be a tradition when we were together. He acted surprised to see her there. But I could tell he kind of expected her to be there. Hmmm. The little kids were cute. They had red hair and freckles. So did Ken.
We had been seeing each other for a while. I guess you could say, for lack of a better word, I was intrigued. He was evasive about a lot of things, but he was interesting (in a weird way) when he did enlighten me. He talked a lot about joining the church because he had a testimony and wanted to get married in the temple. Huh? One day he took me up to the canyon (in my car) to drive around. We got out of the car at a pretty spot and talked. He held my hand (he had been very non physical with me thus far) and I could tell he wanted to actually be physical. He was talking marriage and asked what I would do if he kissed me. (YIKES!) I think we were back in the car pretty quickly after that.
I invited him to my parents house for Thanksgiving. He was excited to come and meet all my family. He had met my parents briefly before. This would by far be the most thrilling of all our time together until I actually put all this together. In his living room. While reading D&C 132. When he gave me his copy of Teachings Of The Prophet Joseph Smith as a gift. Look out!
Saturday, July 19, 2008
On a separate note, we all went to Lagoon on Friday. We had a blast! It's the first time my kids have gone. They want to go again today. And next week. And the week after that. Etc. Isaac got to go on Wicked. Awesome! He and Daniel rode it. Here's Isaac when he got into his seat. Seriously had a blast!
Umm. Doesn't he look a little small in the huge seat on the dangerous rollercoaster??
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
I was working at Discover Card as a collector. Wow. Not that interesting. I had been working there for 4 1/2 years and was tired of collecting from little old ladies who couldn't pay their bills. I was serving in a singles ward as a Gospel Doctrine teacher and Choir director and enjoying my ward quite a bit. I had traveled with a couple of friends on a cruise to the Caribbean, another friend to Acapulco and then to San Fransisco to see Phantom of the Opera, and with my friend, Jodie, to So Cal to go to Disneyland and Catalina Island. It was Jodie who got me into the bit of trouble that follows.
She had started dating a guy who she was really falling for fast. After going out a few times, she told me he had a brother who was just older than I was and had some questions about the church. She thought it would be a good idea for me to meet him and answer his questions since I had served a mission. Then she got this little burr about me needing to just go on a date with him. So I agreed. He and Jodie decided we would meet in the parking lot of a local grocery store on a Sunday night. Jodie and I would drive together and scout out his car in a particular spot in the lot. (Does this seem creepy so far?) She picked me up and off we went. He was right where he said he'd be. He got out and introduced himself. Ken. I don't remember his last name, and I hadn't remembered his first name until Daniel said, "His name was Ken!" He was very nice and we made a date to meet again in a short time. I don't think we did anything that night but be introduced. He did bring a box full of apples for me. I don't know if he went out and picked them that day or what. It was nice. Ok, it was weird.
We went out a few times. Our first date was a double date with his brother and Jodie. But he wouldn't tell me what. He said to dress up. Hmmm, formal attire? High heels or flats? Hair up or down? Wait, I had short hair. Churchy or slacks? What to wear, what to wear. I hated this part of dating almost more than the actual yucky dates. I wore a broomstick skirt and blouse. He picked me up dressed a bit more casual. His brother and Jodie were casual, too. What exactly is this? A test of some kind? His brother drove his truck and we went to TGIFriday's for dinner. I was the best dressed one there!
After dinner, Jodie, the brother and I got in the truck and Ken disappeared. Now, this just seemed like a small inconvenience. I think he saw a friend of his in the restaurant and went back in to talk to him. (This will be a constant theme in the course of our dating relationship...disappearing, friends to meet...) Considering none of them would tell me what we were doing after dinner, I figured the longer he took, the better! It was weird even being with my friend in the truck. Uncomfy silences.....
He finally came back and we left. We went into Salt Lake and drove into what I was thinking was quite possibly a dangerous part of town. They were all excited, though, so I thought positive thoughts! Then we were parking. There were a whole lot of Town cars and Caddy's... You know, old people cars. I guess they figured this was a good time to let me in on it. Dancing!
I don't dance! But he looked so excited about it. We went in and it was an old people dance...thus the cars in the parking lot. Seriously old people. I remember not being able to breathe for a minute or two. Old people smell funny. And they smell even funnier when they sweat to Big Band music. We sat for awhile, then he asked me to dance. Ok. I'm a good sport. We actually had fun dancing. I smiled a little, I think. We switched partners and I danced with the brother. He didn't talk. Jodie and Ken looked animated, though. What were they talking about? I will never know! That's pretty much all of our first date. Hmm. They all dropped me off and Ken asked if I would go out again. I figured it would be ok. Maybe he would ask me those church questions and I could say no the next time. We shall see.
So here is where I leave you on this lovely day. Until next time...
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
"It looks to me that you little people got a in a bit over your heads in dino land.
What could have brought you to this lowly state? Hmmm??"
"Never fear, dear mother. We know what we're doing!"
"But wait. Of course. I should have known you would all be able to high tail it out of any kind of trouble! It just wouldn't be a great picture without beautiful poses while running away from dino lawmen."
"Thanks, mom, for a wonderful trip to dino land. We will forever remember the love you showed us with this awesome adventure."
"Lucky for you, I hold in my hot little hand, a dino pass. We will be enjoying dino land many times. Maybe our adventures will outlive our visits...."
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
10 Years Ago...I was 27 and finally getting ready to change jobs from a credit card collector to a Spanish speaking office manager for an insurance company. I was also starting to date "The Polygamist". (maybe I'll share that one with you someday, when I'm really bored)
5 Years Ago...Daniel and I had 2 young boys and were getting ready to send our application to adopt an orphan to the USCIS (INS) for approval to go to the Marshall Islands. (little did we know...)
5 Months Ago...I celebrated my 37th birthday.
List of 5 things to do tomorrow...
1. Make a grocery list for Friday
2. Get my kids to get their work done by 10 so their friends can come over
3. Take a shower
4. Think of something for dinner
5. Enjoy the fact that the next day is Friday!!
5 Bad Habits...
1 . Chewing my fingers
2. Chewing my nails
3. Ignoring everything when I find a great book
4. Ignoring everything when I happen to start watching The Office
5. The computer
5 Places I've Lived...
1. Fremont, Ca
2. Union City, Ca
3. Sandy, Ut
4. Cucamonga, Ca
5. Santa Maria, Simi Valley, Bakersfield and Oxnard, Ca (LDS mission)
5 Things People Don't Know About Me...
1. I love the smell of sunscreen (mmmmm)
2. I was backwardly shy as a child
3. I was named after Winston Churchill's mother (Jennie, not Jennifer)
4. I am terrified of water!!!! (seriously!)
5. I really can't stand to be outside
Monday, July 7, 2008
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Even When He Does Stuff Like This...
Sunday, July 6, marks 38 years of life for this great guy. I'm grateful to call him "mine". He definitely keeps us laughing. Here are 38 things I love about my Daniel...
- His smile (the first thing I saw on him)
- His eyes (the second thing I saw on him)
- He's tall (to give our children a chance)
- He makes me smile
- He loves each of his kiddos
- He has great skin (so unfair!)
- His legs (trust me)
- He loves to joke around
- He thinks I'm the most gorgeous thing in the world
- He works hard to take care of us
- He honors me as a woman, as his wife and as a mother
- He loves and lives the gospel
- His testimony is flawless
- He is true to his word
- He never hesitated to change a diaper
- He knows how to make me happy
- He waves to everyone while driving through the neighborhood
- He is so easy going (I've tried to provoke him; it never gets me anywhere)
- He sends me flowers on my birthday
- He's a great kisser (I know you were just waiting for that one)
- He will always be older than me
- He likes to hang with my family
- Are we done yet?? Oh...
- WOW! He's old...
- He's aging gorgeously
- He has great silver hair all over his head and face!
- There is always a twinkle in his eye
- He flirts with me everyday
- He makes our garden grow
- He's a fabulous handy-man
- He changes the oil in our cars
- He loves to play with our kids
- He desperately wants to go back to China
- His eyes (he has 2, I can put it twice)
- He's very patient
- He still loves to date me
- He winks at me
- He will love that I got donuts instead of making him a cake
Happy Birthday, babe!