Diagnosis

Sounds daunting, doesn't it? But really, I have finally had a diagnosis for what has been a lifetime infliction. I have born this for so long without really seeking what I've needed. I've been ignoring it, if that's possible. And just the other day, while talking to my sister, Katie (who isn't a blogger, but reads mine because I'm so funny...Hi Katie!) on the phone, we got to the point in conversation which always is sure to come...Therapy! Oh yes, we therapize each other. I get it from other people, too. Many times they don't even realize they have therapized me, but they have. I am grateful!

You see, Katie was at my mom and dad's on Sunday and while they were all talking and eating chocolate cake (why, oh why, didn't we put gas in the van the night before so we could have been eating chocolate cake, too??) the discussion moved to a point of therapy that would lead to my own diagnosis! My brother Adam (who I'm sure doesn't read my blog, but I'll say it anyway...'sup, Adam) diagnosed Katie! Yes we have both suffered for a long time. Here it is...

I'm coming clean

out of the closet

stepping out

taking charge

a clean slate

I have suffered all my life...... (You ready for this??!!)....

I am a

BULIMIC AMNESIAC

Are you shocked? So what does this mean exactly? It means I binge, then forget to purge! Seriously! I love to eat (watch for a celebratory song later) and I never forget to eat. It's just that I let it stay and grow and add padding to an already padded body!

Now the amnesia part is kinda spotty. But it really comes into play in so many areas of my life. For instance...

I've forgotten to move laundry from the washer to the dryer

I've forgotten to wash the towels

I've forgotten to put gas in the car

I've forgotten to wash my hair on hairwashing day

I've forgotten to buy toilet paper

Heck, I've forgotten to go to the bathroom

But I have NEVER, EVER, EVER , I repeat NEVER forgotten TO EAT!

Seriously! How can you forget to EAT??? So that brings me to a song. Now, you will only be able to sing along if you've seen Mary Poppins (who I idolize) (practically perfect in every way!) and know the scene with Ed Wyn when he floats to the ceiling while laughing. He sings "I love to laugh! Ha ha ha ha. Loud and long and clear! I love to laugh (da ta da da) so everbody can hear!" So here's my version. But you can only use that tune for the first little bit. I'm a lover not a lyricist!

I love to eat! Yum, yum, yum, yum

Every day of the year!

I love to eat! (da ta da da)

So bring that pizza right here!

I 'll eat donuts and cookies and chocolate cake!

Bring me fried rice, burritos and cheese!

Let me have that big burger,

Did I forget to say Please??

Oh I love to eat! Yum, yum, yum ,yum

Every waking hour

I love to eat (da ta da da)

I'll even take something sour!

I'll take Mexican, Chinese, Italian

Some broccoli and a nice carrot spear

So please get me some fries and a hot dog

I'll be waiting right here!

Ok. I'm getting hungry. So you now all know my broblem. Yes. I know. It's sad. But now some of you may have been able to get some therapy from this post and can now proudly sing a little song and not worry that you have just a bit of amnesia! I feel we are the lucky ones. Do you realize that if we have a famine, we will survive longer than the skinny people?