Thursday, September 8, 2011

My Brain Could Be A Super Computer.

Many many years ago while I was living in So Cal with my grandparents, I remember sitting and watching the telly with Meme (grandma) and she snapped it off to talk. Now, there was the other time too, but I was just joking when I said it but she took me oh so seriously and snapped it off and I got the talk of a lifetime. Oh the therapy needed... But back to this other time. A commercial had just come on about feminine hygiene products. Large surf board type maxi pads. Which makes me recall that my aunt was pregnant at the time and thinking of names and the boy name she was thinking of was Max, Maximus, Maximillian, Maxi Pad. That's what it would turn into. Maxi Pad. So she had a girl. But my grandma was so incensed about feminine hygiene commercials, especially because men watch TV too. And so I didn't think about that at all until last night.

Daniel and I were watching a little telly. Do you just LOVE Landau Eugene Murphy Jr. ????? AND the Silhouettes!!!!! AND Team iLuminate?!?! And PopLyfe, which is a very awesome group but I told my kids that if the Silhouettes or Team iLuminate win AGT, we would take them to Vegas to see them. And then I told Daniel that if Landau wins, we would make it a just him and me trip to see him! And there's this commercial for TP. There is mama bear, a daddy bear and the baby bear, who can't keep his bum clean for anything!!! And they show the little pieces of TP stuck to the baby bear's bum and then talk about the TP that will cure that problem forever. At least they are using cartoon bears. Right?! I mean, c'mon! Do we really need to talk about clean bums? And now they have the same TP product commercial with women, who I assume are supposed to be moms, talking about dirty bums and that this TP will help you have a clean bum. Seriously?! Is nothing sacred?

And I don't care how thick, absorbent and white clothes wearing inducing feminine hygiene products claim to be. I still won't be caught dead wearing white, wearing a swim suit and jumping off a diving board or walking through a lovely field of daisies at certain moments of my life! Got it? And when it comes to clean bums. Well. I just don't know what to say. Sounds like a personal problem to me. Take a shower. Use soap. Wipe with TP. I just don't know what more this TP company thinks we need. Do we have to be bombarded each day with the bear family and now the mom brigade telling us to keep our bums clean?! The bums at our abode are clean thank you very much. And I use a completely different TP which I get at a certain large bulk store in bulk and it lasts such a long time because we can go through TP like crazy cakes here which means we all have clean bums. So you see, I have such need of therapy. Still.

As we were settling into bed last night, I ran my hand down my arm where my mole was removed. I rubbed the scab off. I wanted to puke. Really. Daniel was willing to help by turning on a light so I could look at it and make sure it was okay. NO! I can't look at it. My tummy hurt a little just thinking about it. And I looked at it this morning and it's okay. I didn't throw up. Thank goodness! But I get a slight headache when I look at it. At least our bums are clean.

And then the other night, while a couple of little people were talking in the hall, Sam yells out “SHUT UP! I'm saying my prayers!” I snort laughed and couldn't stop. At least he didn't say “Kneel down and pray dammit!” Which I have heard (and said) many times in my life. Sometimes I have just so much information going through my little head that I think “Hey! My brain could be a super computer”. That would be cool. Maybe it's an excellent thing I don't drink coffee. Or lattes. Or take stimulants. Could you imagine???!!! I don't think the world is ready for my brain abilities.


So. How clean is your bum?


Kristi said...

so, that sounded kind of like the conversations I hold in my own head . . .

Jen said...

I can relate! The stuff that goes through my head...yikes.