SPORTS???

So I've been sitting here watching women's diving on those games. You know the ones. The games where atheletes from around the world come together to compete. Uhuh! The Olympics. As I've watched the games I've pondered on my Olymicness. Oh. Right. I don't really look like an Olympian. Ok. Maybe a Sumo or something. Not really. But I know I don't look like the divers.

Here's the thing. I want to be in Beijing. You know how I am. I just want to go to China for my own selfish reasons. I should have been training the last 2 years instead of just waiting for my daughter. So here are my choices of what I could compete in. Ready?

Basketball.....I'm 5'2". Pulease!
Badminton...Is that still a sport?
Diving....See, there's this water thing...ok, fear...that I have....
Swimming....Seriously...Aquaphobic!
Shooting...Hmmm...maybe...
Rowing...I have no upper body strength! Really!
Track and field...I'm knock kneed. It's no fun having your knees smack together on purpose!
Weightlifting....Again, no upper body strength. And I really don't like the way their necks bulge.
Softball...I don't like wearing gloves.
Water Polo...Again, the water thing comes into play.
Fencing...Hmmm...Possibilities. Would I bleed if the sword thing stabbed me?
Synchronized Swimming...Seriously people, jello in my hair?? And the thingy they wear on their noses just makes them look dumb.
Equestrian...My hiney hurts just thinking about it.
Cycling...Again,the hiney hurting thing.
Beach Volleyball...I don't like the feel of sand in my hiney.
Gymnastics...Hmmm...I'm short. I just don't think I'm that coordinated. And I can't smile for long periods of time. It hurts my cheeks.
Volleyball....Now volleyball I could do. It's the only game in P.E. that I actually enjoyed. Well, not really enjoyed! Tolerated is more like it. I can smack a ball around and possibly get it over the net. I know all the terms...bump, set, match, kill, spike. I could do those things. The gals that play are all different. They are tall, short, skinny. One's just a tad thick. Yeah. I think I'll play volleyball. I'll start my training soon. I promise. Really. I have 4 years to get it right. I can do it. Alright. Forget it. I'll just make some popcorn and keep watching it on my couch.