Another thing I have learned over this long waiting period is how acute the sting can be. And this covers many things. The sting of not being in control. The sting of another announcing she's pregnant and has a due date. The sting of a young single teenager choosing to parent on her own. The sting of a failed adoption. The sting of knowing someone has experienced a loss. The sting of personally experiencing a loss and not having anyone understand that. The sting of parents hurting their children. The sting of letting go so I can move on.
I really don't want this post to be about how hurt one can be. Just know that the sting is harsh. It sits right in the middle of my heart and my belly. And it will always be there.
But what I have learned as I have felt those stings is that they can be lessened. They can be healed. The lessening comes in putting all my trust and faith in the Lord. He knows me. I know that. In fact, even when I complain, I know He knows me and the sting I am feeling. He will lessen the sting if I let Him. Sometimes it's hard to let Him. But isn't that why He came? Didn't He suffer and bleed so that I don't have to? The sting can only be lessened when we turn to Him. Completely. Wholly. Faithfully. When I let Him help me, the sting lessens and the healing begins.
I am not completely healed. In fact, it may take years before I don't feel the sting of so many things so acutely. But I am on my way. When I pray I feel peace. When I look at a new baby I feel peace. When I go to the temple I feel peace. When I look at my blessings-Daniel, Isaac, Samuel and Ruthann-I certainly feel peace. And those are the things I love to give my heart and soul to. My sweet blessings. They are here and they are mine. And blessings are salve to a sting. In putting my trust and faith in my Savior and giving all I have to my family, I am happy and have peace.