Tuesday, November 30, 2010


So here's the thing. Now that it's December, I'm hoping for actual December weather. No more of this January gray depressing 30 below stuff. C'mon. It's cold. The first problem is my coat. I have a very nice and stylish Fall/Spring coat. Perfect for running through the rain. Which I've done. But not so much for running into the school in 30 below temps. Which I've done. I have added 2-3 long sleeved shirts, a sweatshirt and a scarf to help. But the unseemly temps don't comply. So I was looking at really warm and beautiful coats at Kohl's. I need to save my money. Right now I have a $10 Kohl's cash thingy and a 15% off Kohl's thingy. But I don't got the cash. So I guess I freeze. Wait! You say I have a red coat in the basement that should do it? Please. Did I tell you I've put on a couple pounds? And it's old enough to need plastic surgery.

The second problem is my blood. It's really warm. In the Summer I seriously sweat so much my elbows stink. So Winter comes as a special treat. I can wear layers, you see. I can't really remove stuff when I'm HOT. It would be unseemly. (That's twice now I've used that word) So now that my blood is thinning due to the extremely cold temps, I have a real problem. Let me lay it out for you. I'm in my house. Not doing anything. Just sitting maybe. I get cold. Brrr. So I turn on the fireplace which has been turned up ever so much during this cold spell. Then I turn on the heater. Brrr. Oh it really starts to feel good. Then I remember I need to:fold laundry, bake bread, do dishes, make dinner, vacuum, sweep, wash windows, dust, wash walls, whatever. Actually just getting up and walking to the bathroom will then make me sweat. Seriously. I start to sweat. So I turn off the heat producing machines and open a door. I cool a bit. But it really is seriously cold outside. So it comes down to this: when I start having hot flashes, I will have to sit on my couch and just read a book and have someone bring me stuff so I don't have to move. I might actually have to run the AC in the Winter.

The third problem comes in the form of 3 goats. Baaa baaaa baaaa baaaaaaaa baaaaa translates to I waaant to cooome iiiin I neeeeeed some more fooooood Pleeeease heeeeelllllp meeeee. I can talk goat really well in person. Just ask. I'll oblige. I don't want them in the house and Daniel says they'll be fine. But 30 below is just freakin' cold! I have to talk myself into the fact that they are farm animals, outside animals, furry animals, fat animals. They'll be fine. I'll just freak out when the kids are born. No problem.

So there you have it. The quote that comes to mind as I review what I just typed is “Your pills”. You know, from Wayne's World. Your pills. Medication. Might be nice. Or necessary.


Kim said...

You are too funny! I totally did that with the fireplace the other night, it was cold in the house so I turned it on but then I was super hot but I didn't want to get up to turn it off because I was reading a really good book and so I just sat there, hot.

I bet you are a great goat translator. hehee!!

Oh and you are HOT!

Single Women Adopting Children said...

You are funny! I have a really hard time moderating my temperature. And- if I am hot....clothes need to come off (in moderation....I don't get naked:) but if I am cold....I pile things one. Are we temperature sensitive freaks?

BTW- Goats- like dogs and cats must stay outside. This may be why we have no pets:)

Miss you!