The Red Thread.

Warning: Long!

A year after Ruthie's adoption, I got a phone call from a ward in a nearby town asking if Daniel and I would come and speak in their ward. At first I was a little weirded out. He didn't know us. He said that a woman in his ward told him that he had to get us to come and speak about our miracles and something about a spool of thread. It took me a minute. But then I realized what he was referring to. And after we spoke in his ward, we found out that this woman was a friend of a couple in our ward who told her about when we spoke about the Red Thread Connection and the miracles we had experienced. Seeing it's National Adoption Month, I thought I'd share that talk with you. My original talk will be just normal red type. And any thoughts I'd like to add will be in () with black type.

We are here to talk about something very important to us. Adoption. And more specifically, International Adoption. Our boys are ours through the miracle of biology and our daughter is ours through the miracle of adoption.

There is an ancient Chinese belief that says...”An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but will never break.” It's really more than just a nice saying. In our experience it is very apparent that there is a RED THREAD connection. It is explained with more familiarity in Doctrine & Covenants 132:46 “And verily, verily, I say unto you, that whatsoever you seal on earth shall be sealed in heaven; and whatsoever you bind on earth, in my name and by my word, saith the Lord, it shall be eternally bound in the heavens...” The RED THREAD connection is an ETERNAL CONNECTION.

Our Eternal Connection didn't just start when we got married in the temple or decided to adopt. It's Eternal, it has no beginning and no end.

When I was 12, I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. I learned very quickly that my chances of having a large family biologically were slim. I knew I would need to be fine with a much smaller family when that time came.

When I was 18, I was living and working in Southern California. One night I was watching a late night news program about Romanian orphanages. It showed the conditions of the orphanages and talked about the reasons the children had been abandoned. They followed a few American couples who were going over to adopt. As I watched that program, I felt the tug of the Red Thread. I knew that one day I wanted to adopt internationally.

10 years later the Red Thread connection brought Daniel and me together. (finally!) The night we got engaged, we talked about a future family. I mentioned to Daniel that I wanted to adopt. He said let's do it. So we got married. We knew that biological children and adopted children were part of our Red Thread and we were ready to do both to get our family here.

After we got married, I was given medical clearance to have a baby, and within a couple of months I was expecting Isaac. Pregnancy is a wonderful thing! But it just didn't get along with me. Both of my pregnancies, 2 years apart, were very much the same. I had hyperemisis and bed rest. This was due in part to my Diabetes. (But not all of it was the Diabetes. My body just does not like being pregnant) Both pregnancies threatened my life and the threat was greater the second time. The Red Thread connection brought us our 2 healthy boys and we knew that the biological thread was complete.

A few months after Sam's first birthday, the Red Thread started tugging at our hearts and we knew it was time to start getting ready for adoption. Now, every time we talked to people about adoption, the same country would come up. We had already started leaning toward that country, but the way that it came up from other people when we talked about adoption was uncanny. With research, prayer, fasting and temple visits, we knew that this country was where we would get the rest of our family.

We soon found an agency and in July of 2003 we began what is called in the adoption world, “The Paper Chase”. There is literally a mountain of paperwork involved in adoption.

By Fall of 2003 we were paper ready for the INS. To adopt a child internationally, you need INS approval to bring the child into the US. There are a lot of legalities to conform to with international adoption. We knew we had a long wait ahead of us for the approval.

While we were waiting, we were informed by our agency that the country we were going to was looking at closing most, if not all, of it's adoption programs. They were hoping to be able to keep at least a few agencies licensed who had a good adoption record. (Our agency was one that had a perfect track record in that country and we were pretty sure that we would still be able to have our adoption facilitated by our agency) Many agencies and individuals had been going about adoption by illegal means. By the end of December 2003, the country had completely shut down ALL adoption programs. We were at a dead end.

We saw 3 options at that point:
1.Leave our agency and find someone who would get our baby from that country illegally. Not an option for us. (the man who spoke after us that day in our own ward said that he learned something new everyday, including finding out that a very nice person will seriously think about breaking the law)
2.This is Heavenly Father's way of telling us that our earthly family was complete. Well, we still felt the Red Thread tugging at our hearts.
3.Find another country. Our second country choice had just had a revolt within it's borders and the government had collapsed. Sooo.....
The Red Thread was continuing to tug at us. But we were at a dead end. We didn't know where to go or what to do.

One day, not long after getting word, I was having a melt down. (Hey, that sounds familiar. My melt downs must be eternally connected to adoption) Daniel came and comforted me by saying, “Many times the Lord will lead us to a dead end to get us to something better. Maybe the baby wasn't here yet. Maybe we aren't ready yet. We have done all the right things to know what to do and where to go. The Lord will lead us to the right place. It's just not the right time.”

We knew we needed to keep going. Daniel called our agency and talked to the director about what our options were. I could only hear Daniel's end of the conversation. And I didn't like what I was hearing. China. You mean he wants us to get our baby from a communist country?! I was NOT happy. But, of course, we did the usual. We prayed, we fasted, we researched, we went to the temple. I wasn't feeling anything. Daniel kept asking me what I wanted to do. One night while getting ready for bed, I said, “Okay, let's do China. If it's another dead end, we'll deal with it.” Daniel said, “Finally!” (It took a long time for me to be comfortable with this decision. I think until after our paperwork went to China)

We called our agency and got the information on what paperwork we needed to do. We got our INS approval rather quickly, too! Our paperwork got to China in June 2004. At the time, the “wait” was 7 months. (If only....whimper) As we waited, the wait went down to 6 months.

But 5 ½ months later, (this was the shortest the wait for China ever got. After we got our referral, the wait started to lengthen...) December 2004, we received our referral. It had beautiful pictures, a sketchy medical report and an inaccurate developmental record. She was in foster care through her Social Welfare Institute in her province. She was born November 5, 2003 and was 13 months old. She was born the same time our original country's adoption programs were shutting down. (Obviously the Lord knew where she was and we were going to the wrong place initially) Her name was --Li Qiu. Her surname (which I won't put here, along with other identifying info) was for the SWI, her first and second name were translated to Autumn Thunderclap. We knew she was ours because we already had our Spring Thunderclaps! Next we are hoping for a Light Summer Breeze or at the most a Light Rain. (My mom enjoys telling me that nurture is everything and that I should never think I will have a Light Anything when it comes to a baby. Of course, she's being funny...) There was a paper on which they wanted us to check one of two boxes. We checked the ACCEPT box and sent that back to China so we could wait for our Travel Approval and Consulate appointment.

By the middle of February of 2005, we had our Travel Approval in hand and our boys safely at grandma and grandpa's house and we were on a plane headed for Beijing. We spent a quick day touring the important cultural sites of the land of our daughter's birth...the Great Wall, Tienanmen Square and the Forbidden City.

The following day we flew to the capital of our daughter's province. We had to wait another day....blah! And then on February 16, 2005, we packed a diaper bag and boarded the bus with 7 other couples and went to the Civil Affairs office where we finally, one by one, had our babies brought into us.

They handed Ruthann LiQiu to me and we were both crying...me-due to sheer joy to finally have my daughter in my arms, and Ruthann-due to sheer terror going to someone who looked, smelled and sounded so different from anything she had ever heard or seen in her short 15 months of life. We finally had her in our arms. The Red Thread connected! She was legally ours that day.

5 days later we traveled to the Guangdong province to the city of Guangzhou, to await our appointment at the US Consulate and to receive her VISA.

We flew home just a couple of days later and Ruthann became a US citizen as soon as we touched down on US soil. We got our boys and were amazed at how the Red Thread had connected us to a perfect addition to our family from the other side of the world. All 3 kids took to each other and we were officially a family of 5.

Now all we needed was to get to the temple for the crowning event! On April 9, 2005, all 5 of us entered the temple to have Ruthann sealed to us. In the sealing room, with our boys sitting next to the altar, Daniel and I knelt across from each other once again and Ruthann was sealed to us “As If” she were born in the covenant. She was Eternally ours! And she had access to ALL the blessings our boys do. The Red Thread connection was finally complete. In the temple that day, with our 3 children, we felt a very real connection to Eternity and the Celestial Kingdom. And that's what this is all about. Being with those we love the most. For Eternity.

The Red Thread has started tugging at our hearts again and in January (2006) we began the paper chase for our little Sarajune. I know the Red Thread that connected us to Ruthann will again connect us to our next baby. Though the thread may stretch and tangle, just as it did in our journey to Ruthann, I know in the end we will be blessed with our OUR baby.

When you look closely at our family you will see a trans racial family. That's okay, because we are. But if you look even closer, you will see that we are a HAPPY family. We are a happy family because we are an ETERNAL FAMILY with access to ALL that our Heavenly Father has.

I am forever in debt to the woman who gave my daughter life and placed her in a public place early the next morning to be found, and 15 months later to be placed in my arms. I look forward to the eternities when I can meet her, put my arms around her and thank her for her sacrifice.

Whew! As I read through this yesterday, I was again reminded of the power of the priesthood and the sealing power that connects us as eternal families. That Red Thread has been twisting and turning and going in directions we never dreamed of. But it is taking us in the right direction. Our family will be complete here on earth and for eternity. We just have to wait for the Red Thread, or the Eternal Connection, to join us together! Finally!