A couple of weeks ago, while Daniel and I were talking, Daniel mentioned something I had said not too long before then. While struggling one day, and not understanding why we had to struggle so much, I said to him, "Haven't we struggled enough already?" To which he replied, "Not until we're dead." Brilliant.
I go to the pain associated with not being able to just have my family. You know, get pregnant when I want to. Have as many babies as I want to. Do it in my time. But that's not in my family plan. And it's painful. I have to depend on someone else's pain for my family to grow. This has been on my mind for a while. And since this is National Adoption Month, I wanted to do several posts regarding the aspects of adoption that many may not understand. That's why this particular post.
When we got Ruthie's referral, we only knew what the paperwork they sent to us said about her. When Ruthie joined our family, she was 15 months old. Her life was in play. There were decisions made for her life that we had no control over. But as Daniel and I have talked to her about those first 15 months of her life, we have had to fill in gaps. Large gaps, that we know nothing about. It's painful. It's heart wrenching. We know she is our daughter. But the circumstances that allowed her to be available to join our family are circumstances I really wish didn't exist. There are things in play in China that are deplorable and, yet, our family has been blessed because of those things.
Now we wait for our birthmom. We wait for something to happen in her life that will most likely be the most trying experience of her life. So that our family will grow. How can we be thrilled for that to happen? We aren't. We pray for her daily that she will have the Lord's hand guide her. We pray that the circumstances that will produce our baby will lead to a certain knowledge of God's love for her. Of our love for her. And that when that baby joins our family it will be because of a young birthmom's love for a little person who would forever influence her life. And her further decisions.
We all struggle in life. We will until we die. That's certain. It's what we make of those struggles, what we do because of those struggles, that will determine our happiness.
I am grateful for adoption. I am grateful for my daughter. I am grateful that we will have another join our family. And I will always be aware of the struggles that shape our family. And I will use that awareness to make sure we find joy in the creation of it.
3 comments:
Very nice post. I have to say- I had no idea what it must feel like to miss the first 15 months. Now as a mother - I do- (at least the first 7 months:) and it is painful to think about. But you have been truly blessed to have Ruthie join your family and will be blessed again via adoption.
What a tender post. I am experiencing the joy of having Tate when I know someone else was in agony. I too pray that the birth mom of Tate will feel the love coming from above as well as the other side of the world.
Thank you for sharing such beautiful thoughts.
Jennie - I have been thinking about this a lot lately too. It is heart-wrenching to watch someone else go through pain so that I can have happiness. But it IS Heavenly Father's plan for us to have these little ones in our families. I have been thinking about doing a post on this too. You said it so eloquently. Hang in there, the best is yet to come!!
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